Monday, September 16, 2013

Awweeee yeaaah, look who's back!

Hey! I'm back. I guess it's been awhile. I was sitting here trying to figure what all happened in my life since my rapid departure from blog land and I realized "Oh, everything." So yes ladies (and gents?) I have some stories. Most of them probably a lot tamer then before...I mean, some things have changed.

The first being I no longer sleep with anyone, ever. Not drunk. Not sober. And you have to do a hell of a lot more than buy me dinner to get me to flew that rule.

For that matter, I'm a lot pickier about who I actually go out with. All your girl-friends (guy friends?) who say "OoooOOooooh just give him a chance! What if he's your Prince and you passed him by." tell them to go ahead and go eff themselves. First, the whole "He's my Prince/knight in shining armor/BARFPUKEGAG" shit is overdone. STOP LOOKING FOR THAT GUY FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID WHO ALMOST DUMPED ARIEL CUZ SOME BRUNET BITCH COULD SING BETTER (true story), look for your god damn mofo'ing EQUAL. And I'm sorry, if your head doesn't snap the shit to the side after spending sometime with him, on a biological basis, you're just not that into him. I get it, some girls don't notice this really nice guy who's been hanging around forever until one day he buys her a porche, or buys a jet pack and face-first slams into her ex to show his love, them BLAMMO, she notices him. Awe, hearts and stuff right? NO. The majority of the time, when I see this happening she's settling. I don't settle. Why? Because I have a cat. No, wait, that's not what I was going to say...right, because when you settle you're not going for what you want, and what happens when what you want is walking right by you and you're with Mr. Well-he's-pretty-much-good-enough-I-guess. Hmmmm. Yeah.

Wow, that was a rant and a half. I liked how I included Ariel. Even if she is a jellyfish. (Don't give me that look, first non-fishbutted man she meets and she marries him? Silly, silly little girl.)

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the return of my banterings. blatherings and otherwise stupid boobery. I enjoy writing it, and it gives me an excuse not to study calculus. Although if I fail, or worse, get a B, I'm coming after each and every one of you.

The single girl.

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